"You, can't handle the truth"

The woods fly by my face as if I'm standing still and they are the things moving. I keep looking for those two eyes  standing out hidden in the trunks and the brush holding a bottle of wine with the year 2000 dripping of my bloods innocence. He's the one that haunts my dreams, the one that snuck me in the door, the one that handed me, my own guilt in a glass and filled his with the last breath of humanity i had. He smiled and said words that made me think i was queen of the world, and always would be, said the words... all the words. But his actions screamed differently, they turned my white cloak into black, they turned my fearless smile into a fearful smile. I was made to be the filthy one, in the wrong, the one who should have known better. The one left crying and screaming at her home. He grew wings, changed his name and face the next day in his own place. He still stands with a mouse trap in his two hands to attack and break down, the next innocent girl's smile into a real heart wrenching frown. When I stare into the woods flying by now, my fear of the man with the red shirt is in the back of my mind, the man with the mouse trap, the camera, and the wine... he's the one that keeps me awake at night. He's the one that turned me into such the sad clown.

I wrote this via text to myself on the longest car ride I've had to date. It was like... I spent the last few days in a dream where I could be myself and leave things behind. Where I wasn't in someone's shadow, where I had my own shadow, and thoughts and opinions and people they listened. And I had to drive back to this hell, where I'm always in someone's shadow, always being watched, never valued, never independent, and -never- free of my past. We're going to make the best of it, as long as we have to, but i promise you, I'll shadow step, and you won't know exactly what hit you. Because, this place has stolen enough life, breathe and enough soul from me, and I want it back. So fuck you Murfreesboro TN, first chance we get... we're out. There won't be any goodbyes or parties because none of you really care enough to send a simple "how the hell are ya?" text so you won't care where we go. Just know, one day, when you need me or billy the most (often like we've needed you) we won't be there (often like how you weren't for us).

-j-