"i said you can have a snack not the whole kitchen"

why yes random group of people i would love for you to sit at my table outside and totally ignore me. and by that i mean get the fuck away, if i wanted to sit with people i would have -sat- with people. so awesome thanks for the uncomfortableness.. fuck off assholes.

i'm actually in a good mood, you probably can't tell from the first paragraph for my last blog. but i've decided to take this session of spring blues and shove it up it's own dull ass. i'm a fun gal, i'm a -funny- gal. i have a shread of self confidence and self worth and i'm going to quit shoving it down because others don't validate me. well you know what? i don't need your validation... "if you know you're the shit, then you're the shit to you." never in a million years did i think i would take advice from katt williams. homie has a point though.

it's time, no more walking with my shoulders slumped and my head down, i've always been trampled on, but no longer. billy had the devil take over his life to do some house cleaning and maybe i need to do the same thing. take a page out of his book and get back to the jess that -i- love. because this jess -i- hate. the jess -i- love is strong but doesn't have a cold dead heart, the jess -i- love cries and allows herself to cry and feel. the jess -i- love can take a joke and fire one back that is 10times more wity and hilarious than yours. the jess -i- love paints. writes, learns, takes pictures and strives to be a better human being. so that's the jess that's going to be around from now on. if you don't like it... fuck off i don't need you "aint shit niggas".

i woke up feeling refreshed like i'm a whole new me. and goddamnit i'm running with it.

there is no try with this... there is only do... fuck there isn't even a do not. eat a dick haters.... jess that -i- love is here. and it's about to be a good time.


-j-

"have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

Dear Devil,

i understand you've taken over and that you're not playing this time. i want to thank you for taking some of the weight off of billy's shoulders, the weight of guilt plus the weight of the world can often be to much for the average person. and as it seems it can be amped when it's a super strong person with a super huge heart.

i know i'm no model girlfriend, or best friend to billy but i do try to make his life a bit easier. we've discussed what needs to change and i've been working on it, and i'll continue working on it. so please don't jump my shit when i'm really trying.

as far as the insects in billy's life, personally i'm glad they're gone, they were draining him of his spirit and love for anything that this horrible world could offer. yes, i have been an insect in his life, and no, i never meant to.

but thank you devil for lifting the weight and helping him be happy again. he does have a few really good friends in life, i can think of 3... and sadly only one of the three live here. (i'm actually not talking about myself)

look mr devil sir, i have your back because you haave billy's, i will support you in whatever you feel is best for him... unless it's hurting him. devil... if you fuck up and he gets hurt i -will- stand up to you, and i won't back down until you see how much it hurts him. i'm a bit frightened of you devil, you have a bad temper and a yell that makes me feel like i should kill myself while hiding under a bed. but perhaps i should take a page out of your book and do some house cleaning myself.

there are four things i ask of you devil... keep billy safe. keep him alive. keep him happy. and keep him healthy. that doesn't seem like too much to ask of the thing that has taken over my best friend and lover for his own good.


-J-