I don't want this weekend to be over, it's been so much like heaven. There are no amount of words that can cover the feeling if having your very best friend back into your life. I was thinking about what happened between billie and i this last time when we spilt up, or rather when i broke his heart (and my own in the process) how i prayed for God to give me an answer on what would be best for me. I prayed and prayed, God said chris. i went the chris path. it obviously was for more reasons then i thought it would be. in my last post i talked about how much i thought about the mistakes that i made with him over the past 6 years. and thinking about the chris situation i realized what i needed to do to keep things good and healthy with billie this time around. how i need to keep myself open, not only by talking, but by keeping an open mind to not only his life but what i can do to improve upon my own life. it was a breath of fresh air in a gas chamber. don't get me wrong, chris was a good boyfriend and cared very much so about me as a person and my life. i'll always be thankful for that. i think what i'm trying to get at, is not that God answered my prayers when i needed him, but that he did it in a way that would make my life better. i knew somewhere deep down that there will never be a love quite like this in my life. and i know upfront and honestly that i don't want another love in my life besides billie. he makes things so quiet in my head when there is nothing but voices and screams. i don't know why i feel the need to put this online, or even type it out, but i did and it's here and i'm happy, so very happy.
"i don't want to be the one to let you down...."
-J-
Monday, April 5, 2010
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