stupid weather, i'm starting to think that stupid rainy weather gives me to blues, which turns into bad dreams. or vice versa... either way it sucks and i do not like it.
so, there is something i need to get the fuck over. her. i trust billie, i know he's not going to cheat on me, and i know he loves me so much, i mean... after all i've put him through he still wants me by his side. so what is my issue with her? where is it coming from? there is (i think) an aspect of her that reminds me of krista during chelsea place... it's the same gut feeling. but i'm trying to ignore it, but i just get so filled with jealousy that it eats me alive a little bit. maybe part of me thinks that i deserve to have him cheat on me (which i don't want to happen). maybe it's just the fear of it that is fueling the green flame. i feel dumb having these feelings because when he kisses me i can feel it all over, it shakes me to the core. so it is pretty fucking retarded these jealous feelings.
i got an email from chris, telling me that it's not that he doesn't want anything to do with me, but it would be better for billie and i if we didn't speak. i got this email after -he- emailed -billie- i thinl trying to make a friendship of some sorts. and saying that he had no intention of ever talking to me again. with that i ask WTF?! Who in their correct mind would do that? 'hey dude i wanna be friends i won't talk to your chick anymore' 'hey jess i don't want to be out of total contact with you'... either way you slice it it equals uncool.
i hope work is busy so this day can fly by and i can be on the couch curled up with billie relaxing and being happy.
with that i have nothing else to say...
comment comment comment- i want to know who's out there.
-J-
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