"Are you ready to let the dogs out?"

The tables have started to turn, hopefully that doesn't mean I'll loose something to keep the scales even. I finally got a call back on the Hot Topic job that I wanted. the shifts are almost perfect coinciding with Billies, which is good. We'll have different days off, but we'll have Saturdays together still, which is better than no days.

There are these moments when I just know that there has to be some sort of God watching out for me and making sure that my life gets put together when I think it's just going to fall into pieces. And getting the call about the job, was one of those moments. Thinking about those moments I've realized that I get a lot more of them than I realize. One of those moments in-particular is when Billie text me back with a little bit of planted knowledge from a friend, that moment was one of the most confusing refreshing moments in my life.

I know a lot of you are still confused by the happenings of this past week, and someone of you are hurt by them. To those of you hurt, I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you but there is a driving force that happens when I'm with him that I've never had before, and it's not something I'm willing to give up this time around. To those of you confused by it, well, if you've known Billie and I together, when it's good and when we're like we are now then you understand. If you've known us when it's not good, and like it has been in the past, you know how much it hurts both of us when we're like that, so then still you should understand. And if you don't understand at all, then you probably weren't the friend that you thought you were in the first place.

I'm nervous about going back to work, just like a child going to school for the first time. You want people to like you, you want to do your best, you want to fit in. You want to sit at the popular table and make people laugh. I want to do all of those things except, I don't want to fit in exactly, I want to be liked but not well liked, I want to do my best but not bust my ass for nothing in return and I want to make people laugh. Lets face it, I'm pretty funny. I'm also nervous because of Billie, because I know he'll be nervous about some "D.L" or "C.B"  working there and trying to tell me that I'm in a bad relationship. Well, here is a little known fact about my history with Billie, I've never cheated when things are good, not once. Only when things sucked. And here is another little known fact that would probably do some good for you guys to know, we've discussed what to do when it looks like a rut may be coming upon us. We're not going to take this relationship lying down, we're not going to let things go for days and weeks without talking about them. We're going to pull each other up out of tilts and help each other stand tall and proud of our lives no matter how rough things get.

To my friends that worry you'll never see me out and about anymore, don't worry, I'll be out, and I'll be the same fun Jess that I was my entire life, but, I'll have a boyfriend who I'll stand by and be faithful to. It's in writing, it's a contract now technically, and I'm not one for law suites. So with that, it's time for me to sing in the shower and make the neighbors want to shoot themselves in the face, I've got a man coming home at 11:30 and he needs to have a not so gross girlfriend waiting on him.

-J-